This is not what I want
This 2020 longing for the sun
Of a different dawn
But I cannot imagine everyone
That I’ve ever loved
Standing in the rearview of someone
Who didn’t care enough
To keep them
I know that’s not the truth
Most of me may never leave Duluth
But what else can I do?
27, never have I moved
Can You make this new?
Lately, I’ve been barely getting through
With the Pacific blue
Calling me to You
If I come home again
Will these houses look the same?
If I come home again
Will they brighten at my name?
If I come home again
Could I see the snow in the morning?
It can’t snow where I’m going
Give me some sort of strength
To hold me as my heart begins to break
It’s goodbye I can’t take
But I want to be faithful for Your sake
In uncertain wake
Georgia rain and rising water stakes
Or the ghost of Blake
(Will the dead just bury their own?)
Can I at least bring a friend?
My prayers feel like bargains in the end
Have You a knowing grin?
No matter what You always seem to win
But You want what I want
So why am I afraid of a new sun?
Do I test Your love?
Forgive me
If I don’t come home again
Will there be another night?
If I don’t come home again
Will I have the will to fight?
If I don’t come home again
A red sky dawn, a sailor’s warning

If I don’t come home...
You can tear down every wall I’ve ever known
I will not test You
I won’t call down anything
To spend it all on nothing more than
Idols of rest
You know this won’t be forever
Could this be my last new decade?
Oh God
But if this hill crests
You won’t find my body sleeping
I’ll be running like I’m still a young man
Beating my breast
To the beat of Your heart
Coming apart to be made whole
All in one hand
I will not test You
Come LA County
Devil’s bounty on our heads
Just keep me faithful
In my distress
You have always come through
Lies come untrue
Nightmare over, leave me thankful
We have been rescued
I won’t break down
Devastate myself to be saved?
I’ve been chosen
I will not best You
I’m writing down the places
I’ve been broken in
To love what’s unbroken
So keep breaking me down