I write clever words on paper,
I sometimes think I don't believe at all.
I've never felt so fake,
so false, I'm such a lie.
I couldn't even look him in the eyes.
He was twenty-five like I was,
but he was deaf and slowly going blind.
He made my faith seem worthless,
the things I hoped were pointless.
And he fought to stay,
but always dreamed that he could leave this place.

the angels wings,
will cover you tonight,
Hallelujah.
Press your head,
against the breath of Christ..
Hallelujah.

It made me feel so empty,
collapsing on some dirty bathroom floor.
And isn't it just like me,
to mourn his passing breath,
when he will never suffer any more?
Beautiful his pictures,
fading black and silver.
And I sing of faith,
but his was true, and fierce, and I will miss him.



Behind the Song:
'This song is about a dear friend of ours, Matt Estrella. Matt suffered from a genetic disease called Neufibromatosis 2, which causes tumors to grow on the myelin sheaths of the outer nervous system. Eventually, the tumors will cause the nerves to stop functioning. Our friend Matt was deaf when we met him. He was losing his sight, and a lot of feeling in the other parts of his body. The tumors were very large, and very noticeable in some places. He was almost the same age as I was, but I was living an amazing life for any 25 year old, while he carried this enormous and hideous burden. It seemed that anytime I began to complain to God about what I felt was fair or unfair, somehow I was see or hear from Matt. He was the only person I have ever met that had any right to complain about what was fair or unjust about his life, but he never did. His faith was beyond measure, and that is why I loved him. Last spring he died while undergoing an operation to remove one of his many tumors. This is just some stupid song I wrote in the basement. It will never make up for what is missing from this world now that Matt Estrella is gone from it… but it is the best that I could do. Shalom my friend… we will see you again.' – Reese Roper (brave Saint Saturn), February 4, 2003