Plot Summary

When rival figure skaters Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy (Jon Heder) go ballistic in an embarrassing, no-holds-barred fight at the World Championships, they are stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years on, they've found a loophole that will allow them to compete: if they can put aside their differences, they can skate together - in pairs' figure skating. (from MovieWeb.com)

Review #1

About a good 75% of everyone who is going to read this review is going to probably hate me. They'll read it all the way through, maybe see it themselves, come back to this review and think to themselves, 'He got it all wrong'. But don't worry I can take the heat. I am a critic who expresses my opinion and welcome any comments that divert from my take.

To start off let me say that this film was better than Will's predecessor Talladega Nights, but worse than Jon's predecessor School for Scoundrels. Blades of Glory presents itself in the same vein as the former two movies as well as Ferrell's Anchorman and Heder's Benchwarmers. In other words, a crude-driven laugh bath that fails, on most fronts, to impress me. Drenched in the muck of just peer over-the-top sexual comments and actions and stupidity, I left the movie extremely unsatisfied, wishing that perhaps I should've seen something else. The funny thing is, going into the movie I wanted it to be good. For months I have been silently promoting this film and awaiting it's debut (even foregoing a TobyMac Christian concert); but a mere fifteen minutes into the movie, I knew that it would turn out just like the previous five films I mentioned.

I love Will Ferrell and think that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he is the funniest man that ever lived. Unfortunately, besides Elf and Kicking and Screaming, he has yet to really impress me. Whenever Ferrell squeezes into roles that normally don't fit him (like Ron Burgandy or Ricky Bobby), it feels that he's trying too hard to be funny and the comedy he lashes out feels forced- and at the same time unfunny. I truly believe that he's got a gift for comedy; he just doesn't use it right. Jon Heder is a modern classic and I think that he'll end up (crazy as this sounds) like a Tom Hanks-type actor. They both started out the same way (Napoleon Dynamite and Splash have consistent similarities) and act in the same tradition (whereas the comment 'You can script that kind of acting' follows your every move on stage). Just like Hanks, though, Heder's mixed himself in rather dull comedies that put him and his faith more to shame than help him along in his acting. Sure, he's gaining popularity because of his quirky acting style; but I know that he's so much better than this. They both are.

Heder and Ferrell's performance together was a rather comedic chemistry. This was one thing the director and crew got right. It was just that the script they wrote was, well, 'not so much.' I think I laughed like four times and the other times would just giggle at something that, looking back, I probably wouldn't laugh about in real life. One particular scene had Ferrell leaving a message on Heder's phone in regards to the fact that Ferrell didn't exactly feel up Heder's girlfriend in the breasts, but rather considered it more of a 'boob handshake.' I laughed, because at the time it was funny, but now I don't think it was appropriate. This is the type of humor that paints a majority of the film. While there was parts to it that were original, it didn't stand up well against the parts that weren't.

I'm sure you have a good idea about the content to expect. It's rated PG-13 mainly for crude and sexual humor; stuff like crotch-grabbing, crotch-smashing, semi-erotic kissing, cleavage, Will visits a sex addict class as he himself is one, Heder's rather feminine dress and motif are viewed as homosexual, and of course a barrage as other stuff. Language is kept down to a handful of minor to medium profanities. Gore and blood is surprisingly high for a comedy, as fist fights are rampant often leaving the duo with bloodied faces. One scene shows a decapitation by skates (from afar). Or in other words, what's to be expected.

At times, I wanted to like this film- especially with the aid of Heder's girlfriend who was incredibly nice, charming, and beautiful. But even her actions ran up the eyebrow at times. No one got off with a clean slate and you really had a tough time liking the characters, and initially the whole movie. Again, I know for a fact that most will view this review as a harsh take-down of what you'll view as a smart young adult comedy, and again let me remind you that this only one person's opinion.

If you have any questions or comments about the film, knock yourself out and go ahead and e-mail me.

Till the next film,
Zachary Anderson (reviewed: 3/31/07)

Parental Guide: Brief Summary of Content

 Sex/Nudity: Lots of sexually-related dialog, included but not limited to... It's made known that Chazz is a sex addict, was once a porn star (we see a nonexplicit video cover) and is described as "sex on ice" and we see him make some suggestive dance movements including pelvic thrusting; A woman in the crowd wearing just a bra throws her shirt at Chazz; Chazz tells Nancy Kerrigan seeing her gives him a "boner" and that he's a sex addict and it's his "cross to bear;" We see Chazz backstage of a ice show in a robe and with two women on a couch (one of which he kisses) with people making out in the background behind him; While in a jail cell, we see a man behind Chazz and Jimmy pull down his pants and go to the bathroom on a toilet (we don't see any nudity or hear any related sounds); The coach sarcastically asks if Chazz is "satisfied with $15 hookers" to which Chazz replies that he's "never satisfied;" Chazz makes a remark that he's "the rug master" (meant to be innuendo); While practicing, Jimmy and Chazz argue over who will be the "female" in the skating routine. Chazz remarks that he's stronger and doesn't "have a vagina," and later says that Jimmy is "flat in the front just like Ken" (meaning his crotch is like a Ken doll); We see Jimmy in his briefs as he slides across the ice; Chazz quotes lyrics from the Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps" which refer to "humps" and "lady lumps;" In response to the idea of two men skating together, a hot dog vendor shows a bun with two hot dogs in it and asks "Does that look right to you?"; When Jimmy and Chazz first skate together, they try positions that would be normal for a female / male team. We see their awkward facial expressions as Chazz lifts Jimmy up at the crotch, the two skate with Jimmy's face at Chazz's crotch and his crotch at Chazz's face, and Chazz spinning Jimmy around with the latter's crotch met at the former's, ending with the two crashing into each other's crotches; We see Chazz wearing only a towel riding low on his hip. We even see him lower it a little bit further to reveal a tattoo. He and Jimmy then discuss the different tattoos and which girls they represent that he's slept with; Chazz forces Jimmy to call Katie while Stranz and Fairchild force her to talk to him. Chazz tries to feed Jimmy dialog while Katie's siblings do the same, with innuendo and suggestive remarks resulting. Katie lies and says she just got out of the shower and Chazz makes Jimmy say that he was doing squat thrusts and there's talking of burning thighs and putting cream on them. Katie is also told to say that she will get "jugs waxed;" When asked what they have together that other pairings don't, Chazz remarks "twin dongs;" Jimmy's skate accidentally cuts Chazz's pants near the crotch and he makes a comment about how he needs to use his "balls" unlike Jimmy; We see Katie in a small skirt and later Jimmy and Katie awkwardly kiss; After his date with Katie, Chazz asks Jimmy if he "carved up any ice" with his "weiner;" Stranz and Fairchild force Katie to use Chazz and try to sleep with him. She agrees too, but ends up not; We see Chazz in a sex addicts anonymous meeting and we see a woman getting aroused as he speaks about his problem (then he gets aroused as she speaks). Katie shows up (as part of her sibling's ploy) and she lies that she is a sex addict and has sex a lot. She invites Chazz back to her place and outside of the meeting building the instructor asks couples who are making out to break it up. We then see some people stop and one man pops up from behind a bush and zips his pants up before running off; As Chazz approaches Katie's place, he recites the creed from his class and states that he won't sleep with his friend's girlfriend and that masturbation is a solution. We then see Katie in skimpy lingerie and she tries to convince him to sit on the bed with her. He's torn because he doesn't want to hurt Jimmy, but he then grabs her chest. Jimmy then walks in and sees this, flips out (calling him a "sex demon") and leaves; Some other references to them not sleeping together are made by various characters; Chazz yells out in front of an arena of fans that Katie is not a "whore" and apologizes for what he felt; Sasha Cohen catches Chazz's jock strap and delightfully smells it; Jimmy does some suggestive moves on the ice; We see a paramedic showing a lot of cleavage; Jimmy and Katie passionately kiss and when she remarks that he's been practicing, Jimmy says Chazz taught him a few things; Fairchild and Stranz kiss passionately despite being brother and sister
 Vulgarity/Language: 7 "s" words, 11 "a" words, 1 "a**h-le," 1 "g*dd*mn," 1 "J-sus," 9 "d*mn," 7 "h*ll," 2 "cr*p," 2 "b*tch," 1 "S.O.B.," 8 derivatives of "G-d" Chazz and Jimmy give each other the middle finger; Chazz gives Stranz the finger
 Alcohol/Drugs: Chazz drinks a lot and we see him drunk a few times; In one scene, as he works as a mascot on ice, we hear him throwing up inside his mask and then see some resultant puke on his face. He then takes the mask off and we briefly see him puke more; A comment is made about Chazz getting stoned with other cast members; Chazz shows Jimmy a tattoo of him on his arm and when he asks if Chazz was drunk when he got it, he confirms he was.
 Blood/Gore: Chazz and Jimmy have a little blood on their face after a fight; As Chazz works as a mascot on ice, we hear him throwing up inside his mask and then see some resultant puke on his face. He then takes the mask off and we briefly see him puke more; We see Jimmy with dried blood from his nose all over his mouth and chin; Jimmy takes off his shirt and slides across the ice on his bare chest. We then see a little blood on his chest afterwards; While viewing a tape of an infamously difficult skating move being put into practice, we suddenly see the female skater fall to the ground and her head rolls off. We then see a brief closer shot focusing on the resultant blood and "guts" that spilled onto the ice; Chazz has a bruise on his head after Stranz hits him
 Violence: Comedic violence, including fighting, punching, a mascot accidentally catching on fire; another getting hit by a harpoon gun; some video footage of a skater getting accidentally decapitated; etc.

 

** Disclaimer: All reviews are based solely on the opinions of the reviewer. Most reviews are rated on how the reviewer enjoyed the film overall, not on content. However, if the content really affects the reviewer's opinion of the film, it will definitely affect the reviewer's rating.

 

 

Disclaimer: All reviews are based solely on the opinions of the reviewer. Most reviews are rated on how the reviewer enjoyed the film overall, not exclusively on content. However, if the content really affects the reviewer's opinion and experience of the film, it will definitely affect the reviewer's overall rating.

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