The saints came marching in this morning
and they marched back out the door
wholly offended
No pun intended

They gave up God for Lent and liked it
Declared Civilian War
No one’s relented
No pun intended

And I’ll be doing stand-up here all week
I’ve learned to sign
so the deaf can watch me speak

The saints came marching back this evening
and they fell right through the floor
That number’s ended
No pun intended

The Amen Coroner’s marching orders
got nailed to my front door
They’re all amended
No pun intended

The King of the One Liners
had us thrilled
Then came the punchline
Now we want him killed

And when he’s gone
Gone
Who gets the mic
if it’s on?

The buzzards are attacking
our prayer kites
We lost the air war
Now we’re losing squatter’s rights

And when they’re gone
Gone
We’ll need a new
comedian

Man makes plans. God laughs.
Man makes plans. God laughs.

The King and I began a feud
that time will not erase
until he wipes that
omniscient smile
off his face

The King and I are in a feud
that time will not erase
until you wipe that
omniscient smile
off your face

And when it’s gone
Gone
It’s open mic
Is this on?

And didn’t I thank you from the dais?
And didn’t I do you good?
And didn’t I take up all your crosses
that were made of balsa wood?

I kept my demons pent up so long
the devil himself lost track
I’ve since repented
No pun intended

We stormed the stage
and occupied your place
to wipe that all-forgiving smile
off your face

It’s been there so
long
Please welcome back
the first, the last
Comedian