I don’t think you trust in my self righteous suicide

VERSE 1
God what have I done
Won’t you save me from this filthy kind of man I’ve become
I wish that I could take that day away wish I could say that’s not me
But I can’t seem to wash the smell of sin up off my body
And it haunts me how fast and far I can fall
Let my guard down for a minute and I’m back against the wall
And I must have some gall
Convictions, none at all
As often as I do it one would think that I just love to fall
Seek you at the church and I seek you at my home
And I teach you to my friends and I pray when I’m alone
But that doesn’t seem to matter still I fall in seconds flat
And the devil’s in my ear like Boy you should be stepping back
You’re not worthy of his grace and you’re not worthy of forgiveness
Kill yourself, your such a wreck just ask around you’ll find a witness
To the dirt you’ve left behind in your wake with every crime
So your family and humanity would be better if you just died

HOOK
I don’t - I don’t
I don’t think you trust - trust
I don’t think you trust - trust
I don’t think you trust
In my self righteous suicide
I don’t think you trust - trust
I don’t - I don’t think you trust - trust
I don’t - I don’t think you trust
In my self righteous suicide

VERSE 2
God what have I done
How far can I run
Before I’ve outrun your grace
Even the prodigal son
Turned his back he turned away from his devious ways
But I revisit mine daily and I easily stray
And you can see that I pray
For your wisdom and your clarity
Intentional ignorance is my lack of sincerity
How long have you been sparing me
From consequences I deserve
Tell the world I serve my God
But God can tell it’s me I serve
Head belongs down on a curb
Spill my brains for every word
Every grain of heavy dirt
Every stain and every hurt
Every pain I’ve laid before me
Righteous death to end my story
Life I’ve lived it lacks your glory
Life I’ve lived is sad and gory
That’s word to Maury I belong on a talk show
Getting smacked up by fam who has totally lost hope
They know that I’m a lost cause know that I’m a lost soul
I’m feeling hostile going towards the crossroads

HOOK

VERSE 3
Go on and trust your suicide boy
It’s better if you died boy
Do it now before you hurt more people with your life boy
You’ll be digging this hole deeper
Til the day you meet the reaper
Til your family won’t forgive you
And God won’t forgive you either
You’re out of reach for the host of heaven to reach you
God won’t see an enemy and I can hear and I believe the
Voice that’s ever in my brain
Try to pray but I’m ashamed
And I fall apart reduce to tears when I cry his name
I’m entrenched in this sin, I’ve let them all down now
Trying to bring his mercy in, but no mercy’s found now
Down and out I bow down, wish I had another chance
But I wouldn’t blame the saints if they ain’t give another glance
Not to me, honestly I don’t know what I was thinking
Thought I walked with God on water not at all though I was sinking
I’m on the brink of stepping off of the deep end
So if you’re here for all the sinners Jesus please be here for me then