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12. Hate Myself

The Search
by NF



 

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

Yeah, late nights are the worst for me
They bring out the worst in me
Mind runnin', got me feelin' like it hurts to think
If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me
All the core beliefs
And every mornin' I wake up and feel like I am not worth it 'cause I'm at war with peace
I go to Hell, walk up to the corpse of me
Look at the body like, 'You ain't nothin' but poor and weak'
It's kinda weird
Lately I been feelin' like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink
That's more deceit, more defeat
Is this really what I'm born to be?
That's what you get for thinkin' you're unique
So poor, but I'm so wealthy
Need help, but you can't help me
What else can the world sell me?
Tell me lies, I still buy 'em like they're goin' outta stock
But it's not healthy

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

Yeah, late nights get the best of me
They know how to get to me
Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me
But I don't wanna die, I just wanna get relief
So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful
What is success when hope has left you?
I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record
Sick of doin' interviews 'cause I hate myself, agh!
Come across like it's so easy
But I feel like you don't need me
When I feel like you don't need me
Then I feel like you don't see me
And my life has no meaning, drain me
Hands out, tryna ask for love
But when I get it, I just pass it up
Throw it away and think about it later
Diggin' through the trash for drugs
Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't
I'm scared because

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

I walk through the ashes of my passions
Reminiscin' with the baggage in my casket
Get lost in the questions I can't answer
Can't stand who I am, but it don't matter
We scream to be free, but I stay captured
Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions
Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lacking
Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it
But I can't have it
Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it
But I can't have it
Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Hate myself
But it's hard when I hate myself
Hate myself
But it's hard when I hate myself

When I hate myself
It's kinda hard when I hate myself
I hate myself
It's hard when I hate myself

 

 

 

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This Friday, January 27, 2023
ALBUMS
Emanuel (Da' T.R.U.T.H.) Emanuel [Mixed Bag]
Equippers Revolution EQR MIX Vol. 1 - EP [DREAM]
Hillsong En Français Ce Nom Si Merveilleux (What A Beautiful Name) [Capitol CMG]
Housefires How To Start A Housefire [Capitol CMG/Tribl]
Integrity's Hosanna Music Great Are You Lord [Integrity]

SINGLES
Tina Boonstra Call Me Thomas - Single [7Core]
Canyon Hills Worship Every Season - Single [DREAM]
Colton Dixon Build A Boat (feat. Gabby Barrett) - Single [Atlantic]
Fresh Start Worship Excellent - Single [RCAI]
KingsPorch Faithful Still - Single [BEC]
Sarah Kroger Belovedness (featuring Nathan Jess) [Live] - Single [Integrity]
David Leonard Plans - Single [Provident]
Lisa Nicole Same God - Single [DARE]
Sarah Reeves Jealousy - Single [Curb/Word]
Stockholm Worship Radical Love (The Joy Song) - Single [Capitol CMG]
The Talleys Jesus Saves - Single [Crossroads]
Todd Tilghman Dig My Grave - Single [Straight Arrow]
Todd Dulaney & Hezekiah Walker It's Working (Live) - Single [MNRK]
Victory El Shaddai - Single [Roc Nation]
Mitch Wong Multiply - Single [Integrity]
The Young Escape Worship You There - Single [BEC]


Next Friday, February 3, 2023
ALBUMS
Cochren & Co. Running Home [Gotee]
Colony House The Cannonballers [Roon]
Marcus Jordan My Life - eP [MJMG]
Pastor Mike Jr. Impossible [Capitol CMG]

VINYL
Cody Carnes God Is Good! [Marigold 2 LP] [Sparrow]
Hillsong UNITED Are We There Yet? [3 LP] [Hillsong]

SINGLES
Free Worship En Tu Nombre Cristo - Single [BEC]
Hunter Plake More in Love - Single [BEC]
Chase Tremaine Tired Side of Content - Single (independent)


For all release dates, click here!
 



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